Feeling guilty
07-22-2013, 01:12 AM
#11
Unique & Different
This is so true. But too often people are materialistic. I have seen full fledge arguments because some one did not get a gift for something.
07-22-2013, 01:16 AM
#12
Unique & Different
You should look into Dave Ramsey. He wrote a book about getting out of debt. I am a young man myself and am still in the early stages of the program he has but it has done worlds so far for my new wife and I. My mom had told me about him for years and years and i was like yeah whatever but after I finally bought the book on I tunes and listened to it I realized my mom was right all those years. Defiantly worth reading it will change your life.
07-22-2013, 01:28 AM
#13
Unique & Different
Hi all,
Let me first preface this with the fact that we are by no means well to do. We recently started our own business and money has been tight for as long as we have been together. Since I returned home from Iraq in early 09, we have been living month to month and life has thrown some major hurdles that required life changing decisions. I have never been one to ask for things because I have always known that we generally couldn't afford them. I have always supported my wife small animal hobbies which has cost us thousands of dollars, even when we really shouldn't be dealing with them.
Keeping all that in mind, my wife has said that she wants to get me something for Father's Day and our anniversary (Aug). She has said that she is ok with spending about $750. We are selling a bunch of stuff to be able to pay for that and a few things for her anniversary present. We really can't afford it, and every time I find something that I want, I have a very hard time not feeling guilty. I feel guilty because it is something I want, not something we need.
Do I just find stuff I want and get it? Do I set it aside in a piggy bank for the future? She has offered for me to take the money and take my son to go see my extended family who hasn't met him yet.
It is tough.
Let me first preface this with the fact that we are by no means well to do. We recently started our own business and money has been tight for as long as we have been together. Since I returned home from Iraq in early 09, we have been living month to month and life has thrown some major hurdles that required life changing decisions. I have never been one to ask for things because I have always known that we generally couldn't afford them. I have always supported my wife small animal hobbies which has cost us thousands of dollars, even when we really shouldn't be dealing with them.
Keeping all that in mind, my wife has said that she wants to get me something for Father's Day and our anniversary (Aug). She has said that she is ok with spending about $750. We are selling a bunch of stuff to be able to pay for that and a few things for her anniversary present. We really can't afford it, and every time I find something that I want, I have a very hard time not feeling guilty. I feel guilty because it is something I want, not something we need.
Do I just find stuff I want and get it? Do I set it aside in a piggy bank for the future? She has offered for me to take the money and take my son to go see my extended family who hasn't met him yet.
It is tough.
Plus there is nothing wrong with wanting something even though it is not a need. With 750.00 you can get something you want, save some and still use some to take your son to visit family depending on how much all total up to be.
07-22-2013, 04:58 AM
#14
Senior Member
Congratulations on your new business. Any new business without a lot of start up funds will be tight. You mentioned supporting your wife's animal hobbies which has cost lots of money even though you shouldn't do so. That alone should be something you change. Seems like your not too thrilled about it. If it is just a hobby and not generating any income which right now money is tight, then it seems your wife should understand that "hey this is something you have to give up or cut back on for now until your back on your feet." Its a give some take some situation. If your feeling guilty about treating yourself to something, then she should feel guilty about so much money being used for a hobby.
Plus there is nothing wrong with wanting something even though it is not a need. With 750.00 you can get something you want, save some and still use some to take your son to visit family depending on how much all total up to be.
07-22-2013, 05:36 AM
#15
07-22-2013, 02:28 PM
#16
Unique & Different
[MENTION=50575]SultanGris[/MENTION]...LOL but on the serious note, you cant be happy living paycheck to paycheck barely making it. The originator stated she spent money on a animal hobby. Happy wife or not, but some hard toeing the line has to be done to get the budget under control so they both can be happy having the money needed in the house. Finances is such a mojor contributor as to why relationships, marriage, etc falls apart. One person just can't spend unnecessarily then belly ache about not having enough. He seems like he is trying to do all he can do to get money. I'm a female and I know plenty of women who just spends too much with no regard to their husband's input, the budget, etc. I guess I have a different way of thinking about it. My husband and I work together on stuff. We have a 100.00 rule. Anything over $100.00 will be talked about, agreed on, etc before spent. We have been this way for 20 years (18 married and the 2 years we dated but was living together).
07-24-2013, 09:52 PM
#17
Member
)
The following users liked this post:
ComQuest (07-29-2013)
07-28-2013, 01:39 AM
#19
Meaner than ymeski56
Agreed with the comment about Dave Ramsey. It may be worth giving him a call on his radio show. You may not like what he says but you know it'll be the truth. You need emergency funds then you need to work on getting rid of debt and getting a stable income if you don't already. It's better to have your business fail than your marriage. Talk it over with your wife, if she's halfway sane she should be able to understand the circumstances and I hope she already does to a degree. You don't have to live on next to nothing but spending frivolously will never solve anything.
The following users liked this post:
ComQuest (07-29-2013)
07-28-2013, 04:41 AM
#20
Iraq Lobster!
Not only does Dave Ramsey have good advice for personal finances, he also has books on small business advice. The thing I like most about Dave's stuff is there is no trick to it. He has just written down a logical plan to get out of debt and save cash. There's no scheme, no secret, just an ordered approach. You could probably sit down and write out most of his steps w/o ever hearing him talk. What makes looking at his stuff worth the time is the organization and structure he's come up with over the years. It's both a logical and (here's the key) emotionally rewarding process that keeps you moving. His company also has classes taught through local churches and other places that really go in depth into his process. It's called Financial Peace University. Browse through daveramsey.com and tune into his radio show for a week or 3 to get a feel for the guy and his process. You'll probably be able to take his babysteps and run with them w/o spending a dime if you stick to it. That's another thing I like about his set up. He gives you all the info/steps for free on his site and show. If you buy the book you're just buying your own handy copy of it, a little more in depth info and some budget tools that he doesn't give away.
I follow his plan, but not strictly. It's costing me a few years of getting out of debt, but I make enough that I can pay extra on my debts and still play some. Basically, I knowingly cushion poor decision with a little extra income at the expense of being debt free sooner. When I was making a lot less than I do, the wife and I stuck to his plan more rigidly. We paid off a lot using a well-planned budget and the debt snowball process. The emergency fund he recommends has saved our butts a few times too.
As for your original question, you feel guilty for a reason. It's your common sense telling you that you're being stupid. Don't take offense to that, I'm just being blunt. I get it all the time and realize I'm being dumb. Instead of spending $1000 on dad's day and the anniversary, spend a couple hundred or less and plan a good time together. You'll remember a fun camping trip or a good dinner cooked at home more than a few items that will probably end up in a drawer. Maybe spend it on a nicer dinner than you would normally buy. A few hundred dollars at a fine dining steakhouse is well worth it to me, once or so a year, for a special occasion. It's irresponsible, but it does make for good memories. Just plan for it in your budget and don't do it on a whim. I'd rather drop $300 on a really nice dinner once than $60 on 4 or 5 trips to the Outback.
Lastly, people who say "screw it, you only live once, spend what you have" are the people that continue to fall deeper into debt and never dig out, for the most part. You won't find many people who are out of debt and building a fat IRA running around spending big bucks on a whim. You have to endure some suck to get ahead, but there's a long life after the 3-5 years you'll spend digging out.
I follow his plan, but not strictly. It's costing me a few years of getting out of debt, but I make enough that I can pay extra on my debts and still play some. Basically, I knowingly cushion poor decision with a little extra income at the expense of being debt free sooner. When I was making a lot less than I do, the wife and I stuck to his plan more rigidly. We paid off a lot using a well-planned budget and the debt snowball process. The emergency fund he recommends has saved our butts a few times too.
As for your original question, you feel guilty for a reason. It's your common sense telling you that you're being stupid. Don't take offense to that, I'm just being blunt. I get it all the time and realize I'm being dumb. Instead of spending $1000 on dad's day and the anniversary, spend a couple hundred or less and plan a good time together. You'll remember a fun camping trip or a good dinner cooked at home more than a few items that will probably end up in a drawer. Maybe spend it on a nicer dinner than you would normally buy. A few hundred dollars at a fine dining steakhouse is well worth it to me, once or so a year, for a special occasion. It's irresponsible, but it does make for good memories. Just plan for it in your budget and don't do it on a whim. I'd rather drop $300 on a really nice dinner once than $60 on 4 or 5 trips to the Outback.
Lastly, people who say "screw it, you only live once, spend what you have" are the people that continue to fall deeper into debt and never dig out, for the most part. You won't find many people who are out of debt and building a fat IRA running around spending big bucks on a whim. You have to endure some suck to get ahead, but there's a long life after the 3-5 years you'll spend digging out.
The following 2 users liked this post by cody6766:
ComQuest (07-29-2013),
Superman750 (07-28-2013)
